Small Voices
by Riverlee11
Summary: A oneshot of Faith having a conversation with herself that doesn't end well. Rated M, LOTS of swearing. F/B, don't like it, go away.


**Disclaimer:** I own no one, I wish I did sometimes though... Willow..... Oh well, lol.  
**Author's Notes:** I'm not too sure, but I think it may be a little confusing, although, I hope it kinda gets sorted out. It's F/B, with no Buffy... Reviews are welcome, flaming isn't.  
**  
**

**Small Voices**

"Faith why are you going back there? She isn't going to want you anywhere near her, or her friends after what you have done!"

"SHUT UP!"

I'm arguing with myself again. The talking is bad enough.

"Turn around."

No I will not turn back and I will not give in to that little voice however true I think it to be. I just got out of jail and I HAVE to see her again.

"You don't HAVE to see her Faith. What you actually believe you won't be able to go on if you don't go back there? She'll try to kill you Faith!"

"Shut the fuck up Faith! You don't need to hear this stuff out loud."

If I could kill that voice, I knew I would. I know she's going to try and kill me but I need to go back there and try and prove I've changed and say that I'm sorry though I know that isn't really worth much. Especially coming from me, I'm just worthless.

"Now you're getting the hang of it. Don't worry about her Faith, she won't listen to you anyway, she'll just try and kill you straight off. You are worthless to her Faith. There is nothing she wants from you."

"I'm not going to turn back!"

"Why not? You think there might be a small chance that she won't try and hurt you in the first few minutes? No-way! You think they might accept you back into the gang? Not in a million years. You're kidding yourself Faith. You. Are. Just. One. Big. Fucked up. Joke!"

Not listening to it anymore. I'm just trying to get myself to turn back. To back out but that's just not gonna happen! I'm going back there to at least see her if it's the last thing I do. No one, not even myself can make me change my mind!

"Don't try and hide things from me. I'm in your head remember, I know what you're thinking. But humour me, and tell me why you wanna go back. Faithy, come on Faithy. It can't be cause you think they need the... "Killer" slayer. Cause they don't, no one needs you Faith... No-one!"

"I LOVE HER!"

There is evil laughter inside my head. I try to make it stop. It's not working. "What was that Faith? I couldn't quite here you."

"I fucken love her! All right? There!"

"You 'love' her? HAHAHAH that's the funniest thing I've ever heard of Faith. You can't love her! You don't know the meaning of the word! Not that that matters, she could never love you! You fucked that up ages ago! Just like you do everything else. You're just one big fuck up! You never could do ANYTHING right could you Faithy?"

I can feel the tears start rolling down my face. I am saying these things, but I don't want to say them. I feel they are so true, but I don't want them to be. "Just stop!"

"Ever since you were little, your parents thought you were a fuck up. Your watcher thought you were a fuck up, I mean you did let her die, didn't you?! You couldn't protect her. YOU the slayer, couldn't even protect your own watcher."

The road ahead of me is starting to become blurry, if I don't get these tears out of my eyes soon, I won't be able to see at all. Why don't I stop the car?

"And then there's Buffy, Faith. The first time you had a real chance and you had to go and fuck up yet again. Only this time a hell of a lot worse. You lost her, you lost your friends, then you go back and try to kill them all. Now you think they'll be willing to take you back? You have rocks in your head!"

Everything suddenly went dark... What the hell just happened? I can't speak, I can't feel anything, can't see anything. There is no sound anywhere... at least that be-damned voice has left me. I close my eyes and when I open them back up again I realise I'm standing outside the car. I look on in horror. The whole car has been smashed in. Completely totalled. I must have driven straight into that truck. I walk up to the car to look inside.

SHIT! Oh fuck I can't believe it.

My body is still in what's left of the car.

That... that can't be! I'm here, I can't be dead! Fuck, fuck fuck! That's just... fucked up!

Why am I still here? Shouldn't I be in hell? I'm kinda happy that I'm not in hell, but.... Oh shit Buffy! Even knowing that she'd never want me back didn't stop me from wanted to see her.

"So why not go now Faith? You'd be around her and she would never know it."

"She'll never know it?…." It suddenly came to me. I can be a little slow sometimes. She won't be able to see me! I'll just go to her and be her invisible protector. God knows that girl needs one. I'll always be there for her.

With my resolve strengthened I start to walk to Sunnydale... This is gonna take me forever but at least that damn fucken voice has finally left!

If anyone could see ghosts... they'd see me, a happy Faith walking back to Sunnydale, to go and help save the world with the one that I love... Even if that one will never know it.


End file.
